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Waiting for Grace
Grace came from nowhere, caught me unawares, like when you’re sitting in a park totally engrossed in your whodunit and suddenly there’s a delicious aroma of baking bread, yeast and dough with overtones of garlic and perhaps the gentle bubble of melting cheese, sizzling oil and fat, and you wonder what else is in the pizza topping, book totally forgotten, and you remember that you haven’t had breakfast yet, only a cup of coffee and you came out of the house to run a couple of errands on a Saturday morning, wandered into a bookstore on the way home and found this book someone had raved about, bought it on impulse and sat down to read and then were lost in the murder mystery. Life’s something like that. Creeps up on us. The best lives are lived mostly unplanned. Correction! The best lives are planned and then lived with so many deviations from the plan so that we ultimately arrive at a destination more perfect than we could ever have imagined. Life is as perfect as you make it to be. No great secret here. It’s what you make of it. I know that. You know that. So how do I imbue Grace with that knowledge without preaching?
Yes, Grace! There’s me on that metaphorical park bench, reading the metaphorical whodunit of life and then, like the waft of baking pizza smells, Grace sneaks into the corners of my mind, invades it with tendrils of soft enticement and then I’m completely lost, I have to type, to search, to pin down this elusive character who beckons with so much mystery. What is Grace made of? How did she come to be? She has certain powers; powers that she herself is not aware of, perhaps. So how does she comes to know her own power? Is she humbled by it? Do they, these powers, make her over-confident and over-reach herself?
So for a frenzied three months, I sat down and typed. I typed in the morning and I typed in the evening, sometimes late at night I woke up with a vision and I was Grace seeing the answer to a puzzle, a mystery. Who poisoned the harmless old lady’s friendly Jack Russell terrier? And why? And why was the old lady so sure the poisoning was deliberate? What a shock to find that on this idyllic, almost paradisical, island! It was an island in the South China Sea near Hong Kong, very hot, very steamy, and the writing was like an outpouring from a fever of the brain. But somewhere in the soul of the scribe sits a heart of ice that dissects and says, no, no; this is implausible, this cannot be true. But life is like that! Life often cannot be true, and yet these things do happen. Take the disappearance of MH370, for instance; the best aviation brains and experts in the world still cannot deduce what happened, or how; until recently, a bit of wreckage was washed ashore that perhaps will provide some conjecture of the truth. But a novel does not have this luxury. And so the fevered search for the soul of Grace continued.
More about Grace in the next post…
Volunteering for a one-way trip
Two years ago I wrote a short story called Enigma. It was a rather bleak story of a group of adventurers who volunteer for a space mission to the Red Planet, knowing fully well that they might never return. The story was prompted by a news report that more than 150,000 people had volunteered for a one-way trip to Mars, offered by a group that calls itself Mars One. At the time I wrote it, the story seemed (even to me) hopelessly fatalistic, but I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of space travel, so I included it, with some hesitation, in my last collection of short stories (see The Ironwood Poacher and Other Stories). I tried to put a positive spin on the fatalistic elements of the story by hinting at some kind of a superior intelligence or presence that shows that the indomitable nature of human striving is not futile, that it is a quality to be nurtured; a quality that has rewards beyond death as we know and fear it.
Imagine my surprise when I read an article in Time magazine this morning entitled “Why I’m Volunteering to Die on Mars,” about a young woman named Sonia van Meter. Sonia is one of the Mars One finalists (100 have been chosen from more than 200,000 applicants in the third round of the selection process), and she gives her reasons for wanting to go on a one-way trip to Mars (planned to depart every 2 years, beginning in 2024).
Here are some of the reasons Sonia (who is married and has 2 step-children) gives for volunteering for this mission. Space exploration is worth a human life. Every astronaut that has ever flown has known the risks they were up against once they strapped into that ship. And there’s no guarantee that I won’t be crushed by a collapsing roof tomorrow or diagnosed with a terminal illness next year. Some call this a suicide mission. I have no death wish. But it would be wonderful if my death could be part of something greater than just one individual. If my life ends on Mars, there will have been a magnificent story and a world of accomplishment to precede it.
To know more about why Sonia, and hundreds of thousands like her, who volunteer for such a mission, read the Time article here.
See more books by this author here.
Why do I write? revisited.
A short story deals with a tiny slice of life on a local scale but can, like a hologram, contain the big picture or illustrate universal themes. A novel does the same, but tries to give the hologram greater depth and detail. In choosing new fiction, a prospective reader looking at an unknown author can decide based on the genre: crime, thriller, romance, sci-fi, and so on. For an author who explores the world and writes stories that do not fall into any of these genres and therefore classes his work as “literary fiction”, the task of finding a readership is close to hopeless, given the number of fine writers and superb new books that appear online and in bookstores every day. It takes a certain stubborn foolishness to attempt to do this. On this count alone, I consider myself eminently qualified to be a writer of literary fiction. The rest is up to unknown readers out there to take a risk and invest some of their precious time reading a new author’s work.
I am keenly aware of this formidable entry barrier and therefore grateful to several unknown reviewers and three friends who have taken the time and trouble to write a total of (currently) fourteen four and five-star reviews of my three books on Amazon’s various sites and on Goodreads.
Napoleon Hill, in concluding his famous self-help classic “Think and Grow Rich” quotes Emerson as he states: if we are related, we have through these pages met. So to those many unknown reviewers I say, we have, through these pages met, and I am honoured to make your acquaintance. This is why I write. It is you who make the work worthwhile.
Stories to Go 9: Ernest in the Lobau
The land is flat and stretches for miles in every direction. I take a sip of my beer and nod my head. ‘It is good beer Karl,’ I say. Karl nods and takes a big gulp of beer and the foam spreads over his lower lip and his blond moustache.
‘Yes, it is good beer,’ he nods again
The summer sun drenches our skin with light and heat just as intensely as the short, sharp shower soaked us an hour ago. Now it is gone, the shower and all traces of it. Except for the steam that rises from the ground. The ground is soft now but soon it will become hard. As hard as the bicycle saddles. Soon the saddles will also become harder and then it will be good to find another Gasthaus in the woods like this one. It is good to rest, to take our weight off the saddles. It is luxury to stretch.
In the wind the smell of the bird is strong. It is a good bird, I know. Come to Papa, I whisper to the bird. The bird does not hear, for the bird is dead. But the waiter hears. He sees the cry in my eye even if he does not hear me call to the bird. He comes to the table,and it was as if I had called to him saying, ‘Come to me, Bird.’
Or as if he were the bird and had heard the cry. But the bird did not hear. For the bird is dead. And its calling is a silent call to my nostrils. And a call to my taste buds. My taste buds answer and I feel the good saliva on my tongue. Strong and sweet at the thought of the bird. I called to it and the waiter came.
‘A beer,’ I say to the waiter. ‘A big beer for me, and one for my friend here.’ Karl nods in agreement. ‘A big beer for my friend and one for me,’ he says. He nods again at the kitchen and the scents that waft over us. ‘That smell,’ says Karl. ‘I’d know it anywhere. It is good. The smell of chicken frying. Frying in batter and bread crumbs. Frying to a golden brown in much hot oil.’
The waiter nods gravely and looks at us with respect. ‘You are right,’ he said.
I nod at him, understanding. ‘The bird is good. The bird is for me.’ I look at Karl and I raise my eyebrows at him. Karl smiles, for he understands too. ‘And one portion for my friend too,’ I say as an afterthought and we both laugh, for I have read the thought in his mind, and the thought is: the bird smells good.
It is always so with a good bird. First the smell of the cooking, and then the appetite. The appetite that has a mind of its own. The appetite that takes on the life of the dead bird and wafts on updraughts of air, breathing freedom. And Karl and I inhale the scents of this freedom and know that the bird is for us. It was a big bird and now it is a dead bird, and the bird is for us. That is the law of nature. The law that we must follow. And we follow it.
Today we will eat the bird, and today the bird is good, the big, dead bird. And Karl and I are full of the knowing of the goodness of the bird, our plates are full of the deadness of this bird. And the cooked smell of its deadness wafts up to us from our plates. I look at Karl and Karl smiles at me.
‘Skol,’ he says, for his full name is Karlsson and Karlsson is a Swede and all Swedes say Skol before they drink. I do not know why this is so, this saying of Skol, but it is so. ‘Prosit,’ I say, for we are in Austria and this is a bicycle path in the Lobau. We are on a bicycle path in this wooded area so close to the city of Vienna, not in the vast distances of Karlsson’s native country. But Karl does not think like that, so he says Skol and not Prosit.
In the Camargue, where I ride the white horses and the horses are wild, I would have said ‘Salut.’ But we are in Austria. So I say ‘Prosit.’ Karl smiles at me, chewing on the bird, and I see that he does not understand. But that is all right because Karl and I are friends. On days like these, friends will forgive each other anything, and it is good to be alive. There is the clear light of the day, the secret of the path as it winds through woods, past fields that smell of upturned earth. The river rushes close by, the Danube, the brown, forcefully flowing Danube.
You don’t see it most of the time, but you know it is there. Like a friend. Like I look down at my plate and see only the bird. And I don’t look at Karl but I know he’s there. And there is goodness in the knowing and in the eating.
Soon we are done and it is time to go on. The bird and the beer are mere memories now, like the remembrance of old friendship, like the sweet, sad song of past love. It is time to go on. The mud on the ground dries in the sun. The ground hardens under the blaze of the unforgiving sun and it is time to get into the saddle once more. It is good to know that the path goes on, and we must follow it. All the way to Passau in Germany if we care to follow it. It is a good path and our way ahead lies on it. And Karl and I are friends, and our friendship is good, and we will follow this path where it leads.
(With apologies to Hemingway. As always, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery)
Stories to Go 7: Far from Iowa
It is not difficult to find hospitality mostly everywhere in Greece as long as one avoids the peak tourist seasons. Newspapers have been full of the Greek financial crisis in the past few years and ‘expert’ commentators writing about it often imply that the Greeks are shiftless and have only themselves to blame for the current situation.
Visiting Greece as a tourist, I have mostly met hard-working people; hard-working, resilient and hospitable. Some of the most enjoyable moments have been random encounters that surmounted language barriers. So instead of thinking about whom to blame for its current problems, here is a reminder of the countless spontaneous acts of hospitality and kindness that makes a visit really worthwhile; that briefly, or permanently (as in this case) changes one’s view of a people. Perhaps it is also a timely reminder that quality of life and economic prosperity do not always go hand in hand.
FAR FROM IOWA
‘Something’s got to happen today!’ It was a plea addressed to the heavens, to a Superior Being she did not really believe in. And yet, in the silence that followed she thought she heard the faint trace of an answer.
She raised her head to the blue sky in confusion and heard the wind soughing through the tall grass that grew by the roadside. The road ran straight for a distance and then began to curve its way up a hillside into a tapering point. Beyond the first low hills was a snow covered mountain. Sun and blue sky all around her, that was fine, but snow she had not expected, did not fit in with her image of sunny Greece. Crete. Big island. The Greek Navy and NATO had hogged the finest spot; the beautiful natural harbor and most of Souda Bay were off limits to tourists; clusters of sleek gray destroyers and other warships mottled the aquamarine Sea of Candia like patches of an early carcinoma. Beyond the field of grass was a grove of orange trees, late April, and the fruit almost ready for plucking. Fiona shouldered her backpack and left the road, walking through the grass, springy underfoot and accompanied by the tiny buzz and hum of hundreds of invisible insects. As she approached the orange grove, the heavy aroma of ripening fruit was overpowering, such profusion that there was no question of not taking a few. Not to be too greedy, only half a dozen, wrapping them in her scarf and then cascading into her rucksack.
The holiday was unlike anything she had anticipated, also a plethora of firsts. First time in Europe. First time away from her family. First trip alone. The first time in a country where they spoke anything but English, listening to the Cretans talk among themselves, spending hours in their cafes sipping from glasses of amber Nescafe, milkless, cold and frothy.
Maybe it was just as well that her best friend Moira could not come and had cancelled at the last minute. It was good to experience everything alone; the strangeness, the foreign-ness of Crete. Good, but a bit lonely. Walking through the mountainous parts of the island she had seen women in black riding donkeys, quaint, like extras from “Zorba the Greek,” and she half-expected to see an unshaven Anthony Quinn saunter round the corner. But the women frowned at her, as though she were trespassing on their territory. People living in isolation are bound to be hostile to strangers, she thought as she descended to the coastal plain. Besides there were not too many places to stay higher up and it got very cold at night.
In the villages by the sea, which tourism and progress had developed into noisy towns, the problem was quite different. There was too much traffic, too many discotheks and bars, hustlers’ English spoken everywhere and little flavor of being in Greece, except that the hamburgers left a lingering taste of lamb, sage and wild thyme, and the bread was unsalted and chewy. In one of the coastal towns some young German tourists accosted her, attracted by her dark curls and hook-nosed beauty, but she shook her head with the hot-tempered pride inherited from her Irish-Ojibwa forbears and left them far behind with her long limbed stride.
Now she was nearing one end of the island and, God, it was a long way to walk and she was fed up of her holiday. This was no way to enjoy Crete, slogging alone on foot, from one end of the island to the other. A beautiful island, true, but progress was simply too slow and she had only another six days left of her fifteen. Roughly half the nights spent in cheap hotels and the rest camping under the stars.
As she walked she ate one of the oranges and looked out at the sea. The road climbed now and she took a hunk of bread from her backpack and chewed slowly. To her right the sand and shingle lined beach, scrub running up to the road. To her left, a hillslope of red earth, a bunch of olive trees, leaves rattling in the breeze like ancient bones or a child’s box of sea shells.
‘Something’s got to happen today!’ Fiona repeated her morning’s plea and again it was as though somebody or something heard and laughed at her.
‘Loneliness plays strange tricks on you,’ she thought as she walked on determinedly. She heard the sound first, like the buzzing of insects when walking through the grass, only sharper, angrier, a shade metallic. Then in the distance the trail of thin blue smoke.
The man parked his Vespa, gray, almost white, covered with a fine coating of dust the color of his hair. Wearing a patched black fishermen’s jersey and white cotton shorts, sockless feet in unlaced canvas shoes, gnarled veins standing out on stringy calf muscles. Anywhere between sixty and seventy.
‘Poulose,’ he said. ‘Speak English?’
‘Of course.’ What a question!
‘You like Crete?’
‘Yes,’ she lied.
‘You like fish?’
‘Yes,’ she admitted, surprised at the question, wondering what was coming next. He beckoned economically and, to her own surprise, without thought or contention, she obeyed, climbing onto the narrow pillion. The Vespa buzzed and they soon left the road, descending by a dirt track to the sea. Around a corner of headland the unexpected sight of a tiny bay walled off from the sea by an irregular pile of granite blocks. In this tiny man-made harbor a fishing boat rode at anchor. It was the boat of Fiona’s dreams, painted blue and white, the canvas awning that covered the wheel flapping at her in friendly fashion.
To the left a two room house, little more than a brick walled shack really, but there were fetching signs of domesticity; a fresh-swept front yard bordered by flower beds filled with small yellow and purple blossoms; two tiny tan colored mongrel puppies growling over a fish’s head; laundry flapping on a sagging jerry-rigged line; grain and olives drying on a mat in the sun; a narrow bench and a table with a chopping board, kitchen knife, two aubergines and a zucchini; a toddler splashing in a pint size bathtub; two cats admiring themselves beneath geraniums in pots on the window sill; the smell of cooking from the open door of the tiny kitchen-cum-living room.
‘Athinai! Athinai!’ The man hollered through the open door, motioning Fiona to the bench in the shade. Athinai, grey haired and stout, encased in a dress of Mediterranean blue, waved and smiled at Fiona. Poulose went indoors and Fiona imagined them discussing her in incomprehensible Greek. The woman emerged with a plate of olives, a bottle of white wine and three glasses. She filled two glasses, handed one to Fiona and raised her own. ‘Is Ichian!’
‘To you!’ said Fiona and emptied her glass. It was a retsina wine and had a bitter-sour taste of pine resin. She took an olive from the dish while the woman refilled the glasses. After the olive the wine tasted much better and she sipped from the second glass with more enjoyment.
There were sounds of frying in the kitchen and after a while Poulose emerged bearing a large plate of small fish fried to a crisp in olive oil. ‘Marides! Marides!’ He pointed to the fish and took one himself.
‘Kali Oreksi,’ said Athinai, or something to that effect. Fiona took a small fried fish in her fingers and bit into it. Warm oil spurted from the fish and filled her mouth with its rich olive sweetness. The two cats temporarily abandoned one form of self interest for another and began to circle around the bench. One of them purred and rubbed itself ingratiatingly against Fiona’s shins.
‘Hoi! Hoi!’ Athinai chased the cats away with a couple of well aimed olive stones. She turned to Poulose and spoke briefly. Poulose went into the house and brought a small basket of fresh white bread. He cut five thick slices on the chopping board with the kitchen knife and handed one to Fiona. Fiona followed their example and mopped up the remaining bits of fish and olive oil with the bread. Meanwhile Athinai had finished slicing the aubergines and marrows into thin slices and disappeared into the kitchen with the chopping board. The toddler began to cry and Poulose lifted the child out of the tub, dried and dressed him in red jeans and a blue T-shirt. Fiona wiped greasy fingers on her jeans and helped Poulose with the child.
‘Grandson,’ he said proudly. Fiona smiled and nodded her pleasure.
‘What’s his name?’
‘Costas. You what name?’
‘Fiona. My name is Fiona.’
‘Fiona? Fiona. Fiona.’ He tried the name on his tongue and nodded.
‘Where from? United States?’
‘Yes. From Iowa.’
‘Iowa?’ Poulose laughed and lifted Costas in his arms. ‘Crete far from Iowa.’
‘Yes,’ said Fiona contentedly, chewing an olive and taking another sip of retsina wine. ‘Yes. Crete is very far from Iowa.’
Stories to Go 2: It ain’t over till the Fat Lady sings
I had never seen an opera before I came to Vienna. All I knew about opera was the quote above. This was the late 1970s and I did not then have Wikipedia to tell me that the quote is attributed to either US baseball player Yogi Berra or to sportswriter Dan Cook.
In any case, I went one evening in blithe spirits to the Staatsoper, Vienna’s State Opera, to see Puccini’s La Boheme, expecting to have an experience that I would be mildly disparaging about later. If you are in your 20’s, short of money and long on energy, then the best way to see Opera in Vienna is to buy tickets for a standing place. Tickets were 20 schillings apiece, and their purchase involved standing in a queue for a couple of hours before the performance, in addition to the duration of the piece. From the vantage point of a lowly standing place ticketee, the Staatsoper at the time was tightly ruled by a bunch of brown-uniformed despots; doorkeepers and attendants who tried to uphold the dignity of the noble house by strictly regulating us slovenly tourists and opera novices. We were duly chastened for standing in crooked lines or for, God forbid, squatting on the floor to rest aching feet.
The prime standing places are located on the ground floor, at the rear center of the hall. The first 2 or 3 rows are coveted by music students because apparently this area has the best acoustics in the house.
At last, the opera began. The curtain went up. Mad, apparently bohemian, dashing about and singing. The sets and the lighting were beautiful. I ignored the high strung voices and admired the stage effects. Visually splendid show, I thought, but rather silly.
During Acts 2 and 3, my interest in the sets began to flag, and I listened to the singing. How absurd! They sing and recite lines to each other instead of talking like normal people. My mood is impatient and I am aware of aching feet.
Act 4: More singing, people come and go. I know Rodolfo well by now and rather like some of the singers and arias except when they go into singsong mode which sounds absurd. Enter Mimi stage left. She is obviously weak and ill, but still manages to sing with vigor. I get ready to snigger, but then something unexpected happens. Absurd though the exaggerated acting on stage, I get caught up in the sweep of the music. Mimi tells Rodolfo that her love for him is her whole life. They sing powerfully together some more. Mimi dies. Unexpectedly, I have been stirred by the music and my eyes are full, aching feet forgotten.
Years later, I went to live in Puccini’s Tuscan villa in a little village called Chiatri that lies in the hills between Lucca and Viareggio; a villa that was still owned by Giacomo Puccini’s descendants.. But that is another story… This one is a tribute to Mozart and appeared in a magazine called Vienna Life.
MAD ABOUT MOZART
He was not in Vienna for nothing. He was mad about Mozart, had been from the age of six when he heard the coloratura aria from an ancient TV rendering of the Magic Flute, accompanied by flimmering images of improbably costumed singers. Captivated for ever from that moment, he listened to everything by Mozart he possibly could. Seven years later the Queen of the Night descended to his pubertal bed on a staircase of song and he felt the flood of bewildering panic that accompanied his first wet dream.
Now a young adult, he was intimately acquainted with the workings of computers, software, chips and other nonedible silicates. This newly acquired knowledge did not displace his boyhood adulation. In contrast to Mozart in his productive prime, Vienna wanted him and he gladly accepted the offer.
In Vienna, he suffered at first from a surfeit of riches. There was so much going on all the time; culture pouring out of the woodwork, so to speak, in the many theaters and concert houses. The old lady was a nodding acquaintance from the queue for the queue for first night standing tickets at the opera. They often stood shoulder to shoulder like soldiers marching into battle, waiting for standing place tickets, unsung arias in their hearts; undaunted by the large and threatening uniformed attendants of the house. The attendants eyed the waiting standees as husbands eye prospective ravishers of wives; jealously.
They stood for hours in the queue and talked about music. She knew a great deal, belonged to an old family of passionate Mozart fans. How old is old? he asked, seeking enlightenment in the old world.
‘My grandfather came here long before the world war,’ she said, and the distant ring of her voice told him that it was the unnumbered one. ‘He came into a small fortune and travelled across the continent to Vienna, having heard that some mysterious manuscripts had been discovered in the ruins of an old villa.
‘He was an expert, could perhaps decipher the scrawled signature, might from the construction of the bars and phrases of the music tell who the composer was.’ The young man was impressed and whistled softly.
‘No whistling in the queue, please,’ said the attendant.
‘What did he do for a living, your grandfather? Was he a musician?’
‘Oh, that’s a long story.’
‘Well, we’re going to be in this queue for the next three hours.’
‘You wouldn’t want to hear an old woman’s improbable tale.’
‘I’m all ears,’ he avowed.
She was strangely reluctant to begin, but the queue was long, his legs ached and he insisted, wondering what manner of skeletons lay in her family cupboard.
‘You see, grandfather wasn’t a musician, but he knew a lot about people. He felt that composers transmuted bits of their soul into music when they wrote their pieces.’
‘Rather like Einstein and relativity?’ he said brightly. ‘E=mc2. Matter becomes energy; soul becomes music.’
‘I… suppose so,’ she agreed doubtfully.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t interrupt your story. Your grandfather, you were saying…’
‘Yes, my grandfather was perceptive, something of a ‘kenner’ (a connoisseur) when it came to people and their motives.’
‘Like Freud,’ he suggested. She was really annoyed.
‘They all relied on intellect rather than intuition,’ she snapped. ‘My grandfather was long dead when Freud’s “revolutionary” theories gained wide currency.’
‘I won’t interrupt again,’ he promised humbly. ‘Please go on.’
She gave him a belligerent look that made the steel rims of her spectacles glint like armour.
‘The manuscripts were discovered the year before the great war started.’
‘1913,’ he ventured.
She nodded, in approval this time. ‘Yes, 1913. The Titanic sank in 1912, the year that I was born, and the manuscript was discovered a year later. The family moved to Vienna as soon as grandfather heard the news, of course. There was a great controversy going on at the time. Whose work was it really? It was ascribed to several composers, but to relate the work to the style of any one of the major composers was extraordinarily difficult. Grandfather was allowed, with some reluctance, to see the hallowed sheets of yellowed paper; he insisted on seeing the originals. In those days there were no sophisticated chemical tests as they have now.
First of all he asked to be left completely alone with the sheets of music. They hesitated; after all, these were valuable pieces of paper and he was a stranger, there was no knowing what he might do. They finally allowed him five minutes alone with the papers.’ She went on to explain in great detail the tests he had made.
‘He held it close to his nose and breathed in the scents of the composer, traces of soul left behind on the paper. It was extraordinarily difficult, he declared later. Almost as though the music was written not by a man but by a ghost. Sweat broke out, soaking his shirt and a few drops fell on the manuscript, smudging the precious scribble.
He carefully dried the paper and then called for a piano. He wasn’t much of a musician, but he could read notes and pick out tunes, which he did. You see, he was not searching for music in the notes, but for the soul of the dead composer. When he played the first few bars, even with his inexpert playing, he knew it was music of extraordinary sweetness and purity, like all the colours of the rainbow transformed into sound, like fire and ice, snow and flame, rivers of molten lava meeting the sea, passions and great joys, everything that rages in the red-hot core of the earth and beneath the surface of human beings; everything was there in superabundance, an extraordinary smelter of sounds. It was mad, it was divine, it was frightening, the utter innocence and sheer insanity of it.
Grandfather gave a great cry and collapsed in a heap on the piano keys. They heard the discordant notes, broke open the door in great alarm and found him, pale with terror, sweat pouring off his face in a gushing fountain, like water out of the rock that Moses struck. He had fallen on the manuscript, obliterating all the notes. They spent months reconstructing the original music, relying heavily on grandfather’s photographic memory, for he was the last one to have played the music.’
The queue had been moving like an engorged python, steadily but slowly in the direction of the box office. At this point in her story, they were there. The old lady stepped smartly to the window and bought her ticket.
‘Wait, wait,’ he cried in despair. ‘You can’t go in now. I want to hear the end of the story.’
The attendant grasped him firmly by the arm. ‘You have to buy a ticket and stop blocking the kassa. And no talking inside. They’re performing Mozart today, not just anybody.’
Stories to Go 1: Being with Beethoven
When I came to Vienna in 1975, it was quite a different city. Its population seemed much older than it is today, and it was shrouded in an almost visible pall of nostalgia. The currency was the Austrian schilling. The EU was a mere blip on the horizon. Here’s a story that tried to capture the atmosphere of the place. It was published in an American anthology of short stories that’s no longer in print….
BEING WITH BEETHOVEN
Before he actually came to Austria and visited the city, he had not believed in its existence. To him it was not a real place but a literary device, invented by writers of spy thrillers and musical fantasies as a background for their plots. He came to Vienna in search of Ludwig van, as though hoping that some of the composer’s immortality would rub off on him. He found he was a century and a half too late; but still clung on, trembling a little in every passing breeze, like an autumn leaf caught in an abandoned spider’s web. He looked frail and infirm, but in reality was a sprightly old man; an iconoclast in his old age, wandering around the town looking for adventure, finding it sometimes unexpectedly; in the Volksgarten for instance, where a knotted gardener advanced on him like a house-proud hostess with a threatening shout: ‘Hey you, don’t walk on the grass!’ His helpless shrug and hands splayed in expiation did not appease that zealous keeper of the green. ‘I never could levitate,’ he said by way of added apology. ‘Ich hab’s nie gelernt, frei zu schweben.’
Or it might be the ubiquitous little old lady (like him, a dying species, he dispassionately observed), who objected to his nocturnal ramblings, his insomniac prowling around deserted city streets when all self-respecting citizens were in bed. And his reply: ‘Ah, but who with?’ was met by a stare of unamused indignance and a slammed window.
There were many compensations. He enjoyed quiet moments in his favourite cafe, where the smell of roasting beans clung to the faded velvet curtains with the tenacity of tradition; the welcoming smile as the waiter brought unbidden a cup of hot chocolate and his newspaper. He was known here, and therefore he had a station in society; retired as he was, a distinction he did not take lightly. He still clearly remembered the first time the waiter had addressed him as Herr Doktor, a smile of flattering complicity, not the least subservient, on his lips. The complimentary epithet bound him to the coffee house for ever. He knew from now on he would never patronize another. To his tired old heart, it was as though he had found a second home.
In his first years here, finding his feet in this strange city soon after retirement, he had wandered around like a homeless waif, clutching a fistful of Reisefuehrers, Polyglotts, Baedekers, Fodor’ses, Harvard Guides, Berlitz Books, city maps. He sought traces of his favorite genius in the dozens, scores, of buildings where he had once lived, for however short a time. He sniffed the air around these buildings as eagerly as a young puppy, hoping to find some lingering traces of Beethoven’s presence in the air. He wandered through the Stadtpark in the summer where the strains that waltzed through the crowds were of Strauss rather than Beethoven, and could hardly hide his bitterness and anger, the wounded sense of sacrilege, when the magnificent opening bars of the Ninth Symphony were used to advertise the efficacy of a brand of detergent.
Still he lingered in the city, buying a ticket to a concert here, listening to a new rendering of the piano sonatas there, spreading his arms out wide to clasp the elusive bars of sound to him. In the old Gasthaus with its sooty, wood-panelled walls, chequered tablecloths and white-tiled ceiling, he imagined the hairy, barrel-chested owner’s ancestor serving the great man a schnitzel, together with a limp, pickled salad and a carafe of the strong, dry red wine that the penurious composer always downed with great enjoyment.
But time did not stop and exchange rates continued to fluctuate. The value of the schilling rose. When it rose it seemed to him as threatening as an advancing tide, cutting off his retreat to safety; and when it fell, he walked with pleasure and impunity by the edge of the sea, collecting the treasures revealed by the retreating tide. His pension was adequate, but he had to to be careful.
In the summer now there were hordes of tourists, many groups of young people. They swarmed and chattered in clusters, following the paths he had traced years ago; all hoping, like him, to encounter a wisp of genius, however brief the encounter; to inhale a trace of an ancient ambience, however musty the air. ‘Sit still,’ he wanted to tell them with his hard earned wisdom. ‘Sit very quietly and listen hard, or you won’t hear it.’ But still they thronged and chattered, and still they came, walking by the old man with hardly a glance at him. ‘He’s a bit ga-ga,’ they said to each other, for he sat and stared at the empty sky with a smile on his lips. They thought he was mad and avoided him, because they couldn’t hear the strains of the music.




